I haven't got that much time to write last week, and I really don't like it. This blog helps me a lot to think about everything around me, and if I stop writing it's not gonna help at all. So lets' talk about most of the things that happened this week!
Well, something I've been thinking about is Andy. I realized I started this blog because of him, because of the first time we met. And how great it was. Now I feel really down since what happened some days ago. Andy was probably this person I was looking for, and yet he can't be anymore. I texted him yesterday and he replied late at night (I was studying and looking at porn late anyway) and he seemed ok. I'm still not sure about the significance of his "break up message", but he seemed like usual. He asked me what I was doing tonight (at 4am) which was funny lol But he didn't tell me what he would do when I asked! Anyway, I guess I'm trying to forget about him, but since them I'm really in a depressive state I guess. And I've started feeling sick again, and work and school take a lot of time, so I've been sobbing from time to time.... anyway...
And then there is Daishi who texted me telling me that he was sorry for what he said last time (how he ended up the conversation on the phone in the restaurant). And obviously it ended up with him telling me never to talk to him again, and then asking me why we should be friends, etc. I don't know, I don't even know what to answer so I don't anymore... If he wanted an open relationship that would be the best thing ever. But no, he doesn't, nor does Andy and 95% of the population... So I'm stuck and will never find love again.
Yeah, there is Fan. But I don't know, I don't feel like I really love him. It's fun to be with him, but when it comes to the love part, I know he doesn't love me and he shows it to me. His lies are easy to read. But I don't tell him except when I feel like it (like I would tell a friend for example), and I know I don't really mean it. It's more a "I like you" than anything else. We have fun together, but there is also a distance we try to put between us. I think we both have our problems and that's why we get along well! lol
I think sometimes I'd like if someone found this blog. I guess I feel like I'm writing it for nothing, and whenever I need help there's no one (but at the same time the only kind of help I get is people telling me that what I do is wrong). So I guess I'm waiting for this person to read all of my blog entries (there's a lot!!) and then contact me (leave a comment or something! :) ), and obviously that person will be the perfect match for me and blablabla. Haha, yeah, of course. I know it's never gonna happen. But still I guess I want people to read this blog to understand someone's thought that is different from normality. I'm an alien that people don't want to understand because I'm different, but I hope by these words they will. And if someone feels like they hold similar beliefs, then go on and talk to me! :)
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