1/7
Oh! It's only 2am. Yet I know I won't be able to sleep for the next hour at least...
Today I met Kyan, and he brought Mike along. Lol, I don't mind, they don't know me, I might have been a bad guy trying to rape Kyan!!!!! lol But anyway, the problem is that two person meeting one ends up pretty awkward... they talk between them but it's hard to include me. I mean, I want to get to know people personally, not just talk about random stuff. Well I mean, it's hard to ask personal questions to someone when there's two people. And since they know each other, they talk together and forget that I'm a stranger. So I look like someone who don't speak at all... Well, actually, it really pissed me off. I was really pissed off when he texted me that Mike would be there, like 1 minute before arriving... wow. I mean, oh it's alright. I guess I wanted to give a good impression and everything but it didn't work out, so that's why I was pissed off. But who cares, I got to meet Kyan, I'm glad.
He's cuter than what I've seen from all his pictures! lol And it was fun talking to him personally, now I know his real name: Min!!! :D haha, anyway, I'm sure we won't get to see each other at all from now on, it was like the first and last time. Like a date that didn't go well! lol oh god I need confidence much more...
1/9
Yesterday I spent the day with Fan and we went out clubbing with two of his friends. It was fun, but way too straight! lol Anyway, it's funny how I'm not so much in need of sex than before. Is Fan satisfying me? o.O weird... I don't know, I want sex with others but I don't have time. I dropped one of my course so I should have more time now, but I have tons of things to do for my grad application, improve my Japanese, learn Korean, and spend time with my boyfriend and friends... So I guess when on's life is fulfilled he doesn't need to sleep over anymore? lol don't make me laugh. I will still need sex.
Tonight I won't be able to sleep either. Maybe because I woke up late or something. Anyway, I'm working on stuff, so at least I'm productive! :) And I don't really need to wake up early anyway :P
Anyway, even if I have a boyfriend and everything, I miss Andy. Seriously. From my point of view, he's a really bad boy, with a really pure heart. lol Anyway, I guess I'm attracted to both of these. And maybe Fan attracts me too because of these, but he isn't that "bad" lol Fan is just like any other guy I guess. But Andy is quite different. Or is he? Maybe everyone is a normal person. Oh I don't know... But I guess you want to have what's hard to get.
I like to change things around me all the time. I can't stand being in the same environment for too long. Just like I can't like the same things for too long. I've been into electronic music lately, I'm not studying much in classes I don't like, I'm having a not so serious relationship, I'm moving, etc. Changes in my life in order to survive.
Today I was thinking about my life. I don't want to kill myself because I want to help people, to improve this world, to bring world peace. But I was wondering if that was really possible. Can I really make a change? Or am I gonna be incapable of changing people? And it's maybe not people I want to change but just the norms that government(?) have put in place. So how does one do that? :/ I still need some thinking.
Anyway, I'll just keep on working on my assignments and get some sleep! :)
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