To some point it's really funny. Yesterday I was super in love and everything. Today? Well... I didn't get any answer from Nok. He was supposed to call me and maybe come here, but I guess he didn't. And this "feeling" I have for him, it is fucking weird.
Yeah, he's a nice guy and everything. But I'm not. I can't stand doing something that isn't intellectually challenging, I need complete freedom, and blablabla... Look: tomorrow I'm supposed to prostitute for an old man with another boy, Sunday I'm moving to live with an old 37yo man AND sleeping in the same bed, and next weekend there is Eason coming to Montreal. What a really fucked up guy I am. And I want a relationship?
Am I rational by thinking that he probably realized something about me that anyone wouldn't like, and therefore decided to stop talking to me? I mean, he didn't answer my text, and he said yesterday he would call me today... :/ The last "discussion" we had was him asking my facebook name, so maybe he got to see my profile and "didn't like" it...
Anyway, I'm probably just worried too much. But at the same time, I shouldn't put the blame on everyone else not being able to accept me, but on me not being able to make people understand that what I have thought of is more rational than what they have. (and therefore "better" since true)
Oh well... whatever. I'll just go kill myself and the world will keep working the way it always did.
No comments:
Post a Comment