Sometimes I have feelings. For example, something people call love. And I would like to experience them, live them as other people do or think they do.
Some other times, I am rational. For example, love is something that isn't true. And why would I spend time doing something that doesn't make any sense?
So I'm stuck trying to find out who I am, and how I react to things. I guess it's just an existential crisis that's way longer than usual. I want to be overly rational about everything (moral nihilism) but yet I find myself in need of emotions. Should I do like everyone else, or should I do completely different as the standards?
And, why do I always want to be different from others?
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