So today I decided to write an email to Fan, since he didn't want to meet me at school (he was supposed to hand me back $40 from last weekend...) So here it is:
---
Hey!
You asked me why I wanted to break up, and I never really answered you. I actually think you should know why, because it doesn't have anything to do with you, but only me.
You know, you really are an awesome guy, super open-minded, interested in others and worried about your friends, funny and talkative, but also you're a lovely smiling person, a smart guy with a really impressive memory, and you are super cute :)
But even with all of this, the problem is that I cannot be in a relationship. A contemporary relationship is for me the capitalist possession of a human being, and even if I try to behave like everyone around me, I feel really sick and need to get out of it. I was looking for an open relationship so that this possession wouldn't happen, but I realized it did, and I had to stop it. I know I hurt you by breaking up, and I feel really bad about both the break up and all the relationship, because I should have thought before that it wouldn't have worked out with my weird concepts of life. Now make me promise that I will never be in a relationship!
You probably think I don't love you anymore, but it isn't true. I still love you (maybe like I love my family or my close friends, but anyway, that's the only love I've been able to give/feel to anyone). I wanted to see you today not for the money, but just to see you, because I still have feelings for you. I'm not sure exactly what I was looking for in this short meeting, but I guess just seeing you smiling would have been enough. Anyway, it's fine if you don't want to see me again, you can keep the money, I really don't mind. I don't think I really deserve to ask you for something after what I did to you, and how I wasn't supportive. I guess I was just afraid of having to tell you the truth, and thought that by not saying anything you would feel better. Not sure if this email can make you feel better or something, but at least now you know why I decided to break up.
I'd like if you could still be my friend. Like a good and close friend of mine. You obviously don't have to, and I would understand if you didn't want to. If you think I'm an idiot, if you hate me, if you disagree or anything, just tell me, cuz that's what friends do! :)
And even if I'm not your boyfriend anymore, I still love you and wish you a happy Valentine's Day! :)
<3
Take care!
---
Then he came here to my place, and he definitely wanted to have sex, but I stopped him from it, and he went away after 30 minutes. I had to study for my exam, but anyway... and need to get back to it! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment