All I want is to sleep with Andy. Hug him. Feel him. That's it. Why does it make me cry right now? What is so special about him? Because I don't think he is anything special. He is just a random guy like anyone else.
For example, Eason was super nice. One of the nicest guy I've known. And sex was great with him. And hanging out with him was awesome too. But maybe I wasn't admiring him so much. I didn't think of him as someone smarter than me or better in average. He was just an awesome guy.
So it comes back to this admiration. Why do I admire Andy? I'm not so sure. But seriously I do admire him a lot. I guess he is what I would like to be in some ways, and in others he is different from me and this is what I like, I do not want to be like him, just to observe what he does. Wait, to observe. It is an important concept.
I think I want to look at him, I want to see what happens in his life, I want to know more about him, I want to see things I have never seen from someone else. And yes, I am and have always been an observer. I observe people around me. That's all I do. I guess this passive role will transform into an active role, one I have been slowly starting by thinking how to bring world peace in this world. And I think he is really different from other average people, so that's why he is my research subject, why I have admiration for him, and why I love him.
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