So many things to talk about today... let's start in... some kind of chronological order?
So after talking a lot to a depressed ex-boyfriend, he sent me a last message text: "Friend huh... Forget it. We should never talk to each other ever again. Get the fuck out of my life" Great, just awesome. Thank you. But you know, I still love you. Anyway...
When I think about it, it's probably the same feeling everyone has towards me when they get to know me. At first, I look like a creeper, then people realize I'm a nice guy. But after a while, the relationship I create with people becomes such a mess that they decide not to talk to me again. I don't stop people from doing that. I think it's childish and everything, but they are right. I'm some kind of crazy shit who doesn't belong in anyone's life. Hence I'm always alone and can't seem to make good friends. I'm just not a friendly person I guess.
So it's another friend I just lost. If you count number of friends on facebook who removed me, I only lost two, but in reality this number is much greater. Some of my facebook friends hate me, like you can see, but most of them won't say it that openly. But anyway, I always try to be nice with everyone, but some people ask for so much, I can't do that. I mean, I was asked by that guy to... stop hooking up? lol sort of... it's my hooking up thing that made him feel uncomfortable and always saying that "we are too different and should stop being friends". wtf is wrong with being different, with having different opinions on different things? I think everyone can be friend if they want to. But not by changing yourself for the other person and sacrificing all your time. Or I guess in the end I'm just not a nice guy...
And then I had this hookup tonight... it all started well, it was hurting a bit when he put his long dick in my ass, but then it was great. Until all of a sudden he puts he out and starts being all kinda scared. I was like "oh, so you came?" and he answered he did, so I was like oh ok, let's clean and I'll have my turn. Then he put clothes on and wanted to clean in the bathroom, but quickly put his coat on and escaped from the apartment. I was like "what the fuck? he probably didn't like it, it's fine, goodbye!" And then I decided to verify........ the condom was full of shit... oh god, now I understand why he left that quickly.
And then after some thinking, I didn't clean my ass before. I usually do something really quickly (i.e. fingering with some "soap") and don't care that much. I mean, there's always gonna be some shit in there, so it's stupid to want to clean everything. And I was in a hurry so I forgot. But his cock was long, much longer than my fingers, so how was I supposed to get there with my fingers? Should I go buy some kind of "toy" that's gonna clean it out? Or maybe I should just stop bottoming... but that wouldn't be cool :P or maybe just not forget to clean it! :)
And then yesterday I had flip-flop sex with a cute guy :) It was a lot of fun, he wasn't really a good kisser, but had a nice body (small but with muscles) and he really liked me. So we did both top and bottom, and that's actually the first time I did both with a single guy! and in a single night! lol So it was great and I really liked it, but... I have to come back to Andy. Yeah, Andy, again.
I liked it so much better with Andy. I had with Andy sex that made me feel so extreme that I don't think I could have better sex from now on. I know this sounds really stupid, but I think it's so much true. I really miss Andy. And not just because of sex, but him too. He had a really nice personality, has a great little guy inside that he's trying to hide in some ways but let me see it when I was with him :) Why am I in sort of love with someone I only had sex with? I mean, sex was AWESOME. Why is that? How come can sex be that good? I think it's more than just physically... so what did I like so much in him? I don't really get it yet... it's weird... but I miss him so much, and he's always too busy, or making excuses... I think he does like me, not sure, but I guess so. So why is he never available? Should I keep on asking all the time or just wait for him? wo bu zhidao...
Pwet pwet, I think that's pretty much it... I feel so bad that I don't think I'll be able to sleep, but drinking a little bit of vodka helps. Urgh, it's so shitty to drink alone, but... I guess I don't have many drinking friends who live close by... Or maybe I just don;t have any good friend... yeah, so cool! my life's awesome...
Well then, have fun!
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