I was looking at Andy's pics on facebook and... I just have no choice...
what? I am actually thinking of being in a relationship with him? Well actually I think so. I think I'd be ready for anything just to be in a relationship with him. And that's oh so fucking stupid!!! Am I like in LOVE? wtf, I can't be in love when 1) I don't really know the guy, 2) I'm a whore who wants open-crazy-sorta-friend/relation/roommate-ship, and 3) from the pics I see I am fucking too different from him, I have a different life, etc. And I should add a lot more to these, but anyway...
I need to stay single. I need to stay single. I need to stay single. I need to. I don't have another choice.
But why do I love him soooo much? Why do I miss him so much that I'm not even having that much fun with other guys. I mean, the sex was absolutely amazing with him, and he was a sweetheart and smart guy, but... but what else? what else do I need in a relationship? Oh, I need to have the same love back in return...
Oh god I'm crying now... I just want to be loved... nobody loves me... I just want someone to care for me, to hug me while I sleep. So why did I break up with Daishi? What's my fucking problem? Whenever I have what I want, I decide I want something else. Or let me rephrase it, like Carlos told me today: I want everything. I want a cute little boyfriend who will be there for me all the time, yet I want to be able to have sex with anyone else...
Oh wait, that's not so true. I don't want a cute boyfriend. I don't need him or her to be cute. I don't really care. And that person doesn't need to be nice with me. And I don't need to have sex with that person. Or maybe I do. But I want something stable in my life. I want to live with someone I like (and I can like pretty much anyone) and sleep with that person every night. Yes, the only thing I'm looking for is someone to be in my bed.
I changed my age on most of my profiles (including facebook), so that I look older now. I'm officially 25 now! lol Why? because that way maybe people will start to take me serious. under 25, little boys want these princess/prince relationships, and that's not what I want from them. I really want something serious and open. So I guess I need to wait... I guess I need to wait years and years before having this guy in my bed... Andy or Daishi or anyone for that matter...
Can anyone just love me for the person I am, and not for having sex with me and only me?
If there is such a person, then I'm taking him/her! Now! I don't need to know the details. So I'll be left alone until like 10 years... oh god this is boring... I'll be old and unattractive... :( anyway... I just want someone to sleep with me in my bed, someone I can cuddle. Thank you.
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