Sometimes I feel like I'm just depressed. I came back from work and I was crying, just before having a hookup with a guy I knew. I went to see friends I love so much and was thinking about how I hate people in general. And then I'm all alone thinking how I'll have to remain like this because I just can't seem to be able to live with other people. And now just thinking about all my shitty life, it makes me want to cry.
Fan is a funny guy. But he's always lying. Alex is an awesome and smart girl. But she tells lies. Young is a talkative guy. But he thinks he is someone else. Stephen is an adorable man. But I overdid it. Daishi is a relaxed and open-minded guy. But I can't give him back what he needs. Andy is smart, nice and everything else perfect. But he doesn't have time. And everyone else ends up being not "good enough for me" or something...
And I'm getting tired of hooking up... Not that I dislike it. I've just found not so much interest in it anymore. The ones I want sex with are not available, and I don't feel like I have energy anymore to have sex with those I don't really want to. I'd rather just spend an evening studying Korean instead of sleeping with a stupid guy in my bed... Maybe my three days back in Quebec city will make me feel better. But I don't fucking want to go back to that shitty place, with all my family "when are you coming back? let's play AoE II together!! Are you her yet?" My dad was even told by someone I don't know at all that I would arrive today (wtf, I'm leaving tomorrow) and that I would be sleeping at her place. Who the fuck said that? Anyway, it might have been a misunderstanding, but it just doesn't make any sense at all... anyway, it pisses me off that everyone wants me back when I don't want to. 僕帰らなくて、それと同時に家族がいつもいつ帰ると聞いてる。。。だまれよ、くそ！＞＿＜
Anyway, to some extent I don't really mind if I don't feel good about myself, if I don't like anyone, if people don't give a shit about me. I have been much more focused on finding ways to bring world peace rather than making myself happy, so in the end if I have to have a shitty life, then that's ok with me.
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