12/27 Tadaima!

So I survived. Alcohol helped much. Now I stink, didn't take any shower, I'm tired, didn't sleep much, and I so fucking don't think the same as before...

I'm not really in need of  sex now. Instead, I'd rather continue learning Korean. I also have Japanese homeworks to do, some readings, and most important of all, I need to apply for grad school, so I need to continue my portfolio AND do the best application ever. And I need to prepare to move AND move. All of this in the next week. So maybe I should slow down on sex and put more emphasis on my life. Which would result in me studying and working instead of playing and enjoying life. So the guy I didn't want to be anymore would resurface. For this one week but for the following ones as I will start school right after that. And I could be thinking "oh, school will be back, so I should stop having fun and study so that school take all my time so I shouldn't do anything else and blablabla" And I fucking don't want that at all.

Now I just realized that I didn't touch my penis for... the past four days... I guess I want to wait and have sex with it instead of jerking off... let's text Andy and see if he's busy or not... apart from him and Fan, there's not much people I want to have sex... they all disgust me... maybe I just need a shower! lol

I talked to Daishi yesterday. I opened my presents and it was really nice and fun. And then, as usual, near the end he started talked about us and being all sad and everything... and I was so fucking tired. So because there is nothing to say, I just went to bed. I'm tired of this, he always goes on talking about our break up and blablabla. It'd be so much better if he could just be friend with me and nothing else. But no, we have to fight, and blablabla... It's getting really tiring all of this.

So yeah, I'm tired and I have some tiring things to do this week. It sucks, I want a break, or a longer one, but I can't... :( I should probably not apply for next year but apply for an exchange in Japan or something instead. Or get some money and travel. Or get some money and go back to undergrad school. Or apply for grad school in East Asian Studies. Or something, I don't know.

Oh, finally got a reply from Andy... he's going to Laval tomorrow, already... anyway... it's not like he is the only fuck friends I have feelings for, right? There are two of them! lol But I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with any of them I guess. Though if Andy asked me or if it felt that way, I should probably do it. But let's wait and see, I need to be 30yo to finally have what I'm looking for... yay!

Have a nice day~~