12/4 I'm Sad

It's funny. But I'm kind of sad. Friday night Rodrigo didn't want to meet since he was too busy at work. Then Saturday night he wanted to be alone and just relax. And then today (he doesn't work on Sundays and Mondays) we planned to do something, and one or two hours before, he said friends came for his birthday, and so he was sorry...

I know he wasn't expecting this and is probably sad that he couldn't see me, but I really feel sad. I was so much expecting to see him, it's been a few days, I've been expecting to see him for three days in a row, and none worked out... And it's all this feeling of joy that comes during the day "oh, I'm gonna see him tonight and it's gonna be fantastic as it's always!" which turns into "oh... ok..."

Kinda sad. Not that I blame him, but I do sort of blame him for not being "healthy" enough to send time with me for the past two days. I mean, if someone invites me for something, and if I want to go, then no matter if I'm tired or if I've had a really long and stressful day, I'm gonna go. For example, if he texts me right now and say "oh, it's okay, you can come now" then of course I'm just gonna stop whatever I was doing and just go to see him. Maybe it's just some kind of "youth" that I have and that he has lost. Though I'm taking a guess here that it's probably just laziness and lack of motivation to jump in life and an egocentric point of view where your own happiness is more important than making someone happy. Yeah, that's what you guys call getting old. But I wouldn't want to be such a lazy old man in the future, I'd prefer being an energetic and joyful old man! :)

Anyway, I'm working on school stuff instead, which is really depressing when I think about the cool night I could have had.

Damn.

Oh, and if he texts right now, it's already 9pm, so it's gonna be around 10pm when get there, so it's gonna be too late anyway, and he's gonna be tired of spending time with his friends, so at this point it's sure he's not gonna invite me. Damn. Again. Gotta go watch porn to feel better.