So I was on gay411 and that old guy asked me and had money, but I just deleted the message. I mean, I don't mind doing prostitution and whatever, but... :/ I don't wanna have sex anymore... just leave me alone!
I miss Eason a lot (hence I don't work as much as I should to "forget" him lol) and I have yet to understand exactly why the fact that I am in love makes me so distant from sex. Maybe I feel like I don't have such great sex with Eason because I'm too tired from sex with others... But that's not exactly true. I mean, last time I was tired of sex anyway, but I didn't have much in the last month...
Maybe I'm just tired in my whole life. Yeah, I'm probably over burned out.
I've always put the blame on my existential crisis or something, but I feel like I'm just tired. I need a break. I need to go on vacation, to travel, to go away from here. That's what I wanted to do at the beginning of the summer and I suppose that's what I still want. I want something completely new in my life.
That would explain me shopping on chinese online shop (taobao) for new clothes for the new school term. Maybe getting new clothes, having a new appearance, will make me feel like I'm a new person?
I changed my facebook profile a lot, removing all the stupid people I didn't know, changing my name and giving my info to all of my friends. Maybe that will make me feel like I'm a new person?
I want to make friends with everyone in my class when school starts. Maybe that will make me feel like I'm a new person?
Why do I need so much change? Why am I so bored with my current life? Why do I need change to get motivation to keep going? Where's my motivation and why does it constantly change? How can I possibly do anything if I change my goals every week?
Lots of questions, I might not need to find answers soon. But still, I think I'm a little bit burned out. Burned out of all my life. I want to change it, to change myself. So I buy clothes and change my facebook! lol Pretty stupid :)
But who said I was smart? :D
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