So I've got through that other depression/thingy. The problem is that even if these are cool and I learn a lot from them, I also realized that the only way to not have them is to believe. For example, if you believe that money will make you happy (i.e. you believe in capitalism AND fun), then you might work hard to achieve this goal.
Anyway, school is starting, and to some extent I believe in a good future for me, and so in order for that to happen, I will have to create a few other beliefs for, at least, the next few months. We'll see afterwards, but for my next school year, I want to force myself to believe in these. Hence, I'm gonna lie to myself. Or maybe I won't because I know these are just lies. But that's the only way I found to make it through my life.
1. Fun
I will believe in fun. Fun as in "doing a funny activity makes one happy". That was probably my major "problem" lately, as I've been incapable of doing anything that would bring me fun, because I wasn't thinking it would actually bring me fun.
A. I will play video games thinking that playing video games is great and will make me so much happy.
B. I will cook food thinking that cooking is the most amazing experience one can have.
C. I will study thinking that it is fun and that the results of my studies will create even more fun. (e.g. that studying a language will bring me fun speaking it with friends)
D. I will have sex thinking that sleeping with someone is like the best thing that could ever happen to me.
E. I will hang out with friends thinking that spending time with someone else is so much funnier than being all alone.
F. I will go to bed thinking that sleeping will relax my body and make it ready for when I have to wake up because I will have a lot of fun the next day.
2. Money
This one is hard too. I didn't really want to include it on this list, but since I'm doing my studies to get money, and since I have debts and everything, I guess I don't really have a choice to believe that money is good in our society and for me who is part of this society.
C. I will study as hard as I can because the better my grades are and the better my salary will be.
G. I will find work and work as hard as possible because I need money to buy all these things that I want and that will make me happy.
3. Friendship
I suppose I don't really care too much about my friends... :/ I mean, I do care about them, but I don't force them to have fun with me, I just let them do whatever they want, and that makes me happy. So maybe I have to think that "friendship" is great and that I should get better bonds with my friends.
H. I will go talk and smile to people I don't know because they could be my friends and that would be great.
I. I will keep in touch with my friends regularly because it would be sad to lose them.
J. I will try to have as many friends as possible because it looks cool on facebook.
E. I will hang out more often with my friends because hanging out is fun and having fun with someone else is creating a deeper friendship.
K. I will think that even if a friend pisses me off, lies to me, hurts me or others, that this friend is still good and that I should be happy to know someone good like this.
L. I will seem to believe and nod and smile to any shit that a friend could say and will only argue about it if I am asked for my opinion.
M. I will be happy even if I cannot hang out with a friend who is far away because I know that we will have fun together in the future.
N. I will not tell my friends about my problems (except on this blog) because no one wants to know about someone else problems.
4. Physical Appearance
I think everyone is ugly and beautiful at the same time. In fact, I fucking don't care what a person looks like. But others don't. So if I want to please to some, I need to take care of my body... oh shit that looks superficial! lol IT IS!!! Not sure I'll be able to make it, but... I have to believe in it!
O. I will work out regularly and eat a lot of food because it will make me into a more muscular build.
P. I will wash and take care of my skin and teeth and everything, everyday, because I will feel better and be proud of what I look like when superficial people are gonna look at me.
Q. I will shop regularly because I want people to praise my clothes because it will make me feel better than others. (and it will be a way to spend my money and feel like I need more money, always more)
Hopefully these are enough. That's 17. Yes, you will probably think that some of them are quite stupid, but you know what? They are ALL stupid. So if I have to believe in one of these stupid ideas, then why not do all of them? I believe I can believe in these stupid beliefs. At least for some time. Let's see how it goes!
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