I'm not sure if I lied or not on this blog, but I think so. It is highly complicated and I do not understand it completely myself. It's about what I thought about Eason before June.
Urgh, I can't really find it anymore... lol Maybe I didn't write it down but just thought about it. Anyway, I told someone and Eason. What I said is that looking back at my posts on my blog, I realized that I had feelings for him.
Well, that's a lie. I never found anything that could make me think I had feelings for him. Well, yes, I thought he was a good person, an interesting and cute guy, but...
First, I didn't think he was good-looking. When I entered the hotel room the first time he came to Montreal to see me, I felt like: "Gosh, don't tell me I have to sleep with that thing... :/" It was on my mind the following time, though I don't remember if I actually thought about it after looking at him (I actually don't think so, if I remember correctly I was like "Oh, he's not that bad!")
Second, as much as I had fun with him, I wasn't in love or anything. Maybe the idea "oh, I wonder what would happen if we were in a relationship" went through my head for a small moment, but nothing else. The fact that I missed him when he left was only that I was back alone after a whole weekend with someone else. I am sure that I was thinking of him as a "maybe", but was quick to come back to reality: he didn't love me. And so with time I would always come to forget about him...
When I was with him, I was treating him like any other guy I sleep with. I watched a few videos yesterday, and even if I look really affectionate and everything, I was thinking "this guy is shit" like I used to always think with any guy.
Anyway, it's a pretty boring story... lol All I wanted to say is that I didn't find any love in my blog before June. I was just mentioning him like I mentioned almost everybody I had sex with. Just to have a list...
On a side note, I think my hero is Son Goku. I've always been in love with that character, and he's pretty much what I've always wanted to be. I'll talk more about him another time if I want to, but every time I think about my ideals, it's his that come up! Oh, how a manga can influence your life :P
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